Back to basics = How to improve communication, (1 of 2)

Within any form of communication there is always a sender and a receiver, at least there is an intended receiver. In the diagram A is the sender, B is the receiver.

 

 

 

A and B have different personal realities, their ‘MAPs’. They each have their own world formed by their experiences, their perceptions, their ideas, etc. They will perceive, experience, and interpret things differently. The same event will always be perceived a little different by each of two people as they have lived different lives.

 

The participants must have some kind of concept of each other's location and of a possible channel of communication existing between them. They must agree sufficiently on these to agree that communication is taking place and this creates the area we have called the shared space, a space where a generalisation takes form.

 

 “Something” will be transmitted across a distance in the shared space. We can regard it as an object, a particle, or as a wave, or flow. It might be sound vibrations, rays of light, words, pieces of paper, cannon balls, body language, telepathy, it could be anything!.

 

Between humans there will be several layers of the message being sent. There will often be a verbal portion, something that is being expressed in language, spoken or written, as well as a non-verbal portion, covering everything else, most notably body language. Sometimes the verbal and non-verbal messages don't agree with each other – someone may be smiling whilst giving bad news for example.

 

Based on what the receiver perceives, and based on their interpretation of the verbal and non-verbal input, they will form a concept in their reality of what the meaning of the message is. Although it will mean something to the receiver, it might or might not be what was intended by the sender. In successful communication the perceived message will approximate the intended message to the sender's satisfaction. However, the sender will only know that, if they receive a message back, that confirms this.

 

One can never take for granted that the receiver has the same reality as the sender. One can never take for granted that the receiver will interpret the message the same way as the sender intended it. 

 

Communication is not an absolute finite thing. Particularly, communication with language is always vague and misleading to some extent, how many times have you said something that has been misconstrued.

 

If A says a word, for example "star", they have a certain meaning attached to it in their reality. They have had certain experiences with the subject matter, have made conclusions about it, and have certain perceptual filters concerning it. The meaning of the word is the results of all of these things that are associated with in their reality. However, because words also have nice, finite dictionary definitions it might appear as if the word is something very precise.  What travels across the communication channel is NOT all the associations that A made about the word, and NOT the intentions they had with using it. What crosses the distance are the symbols that A is generating.

 

When B hears the word or sentence they will interpret it based on their experiences, perceptions, and opinions. They might supplement the verbal information with non-verbal information such as body language but in one way or another they arrive at what they believe it means.

 

To have effective communication one needs to take all the factors into consideration. The different realities, the space the communication takes place in, verbal as well as non-verbal messages, the intended meaning versus the perceived meaning.

 

To be continued……

What is a Comfort Zone?

Oliver Wendell Holmes said, “Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions”. 


Just like a comfort zone, your comfort zone is where you have no feeling of risk or anxiety concerning decisions, in other words where you are comfortable. Your comfort zone is where you know what is happening. Where you know how things work and what is required to get the job done. Where you are certain!?


Some might call it comfort while others would call it being in a RUT, in business you can call it complacency.

We all have different zones. Some people appear to have no comfort zone whatsoever. They are willing to try and do anything at least once. While other are more cautious. One thing for sure it is a LIMITING place.

Our self-image defines our zones of where we feel comfortable, and acts as an internal regulator. You can tell when you have a comfort zone; it is when you move out of it, when we experience physical and psychological feedback. We are unable to think and act as we normally do. Feeling out of place causes us to go back to where we feel more comfortable. Our self-image is a regulator that allows us to take risks and go comfortably into new and different situations and it also stops us from taking even 1% forward because we do not feel or believe we can!



Another quote, only this time from Darwin, “it is not the strongest species that survives it is the most adaptable to change".

So how do you change your comfort zone?

Who's Blueprint?

When we are thrust into this world we are given a blueprint, a design of what we are to be some elements are:

• Genetic: a conditioned way of replicating internal and external attributes of our heredity variations.

Some

• Our thoughts and actions, (albeit somewhat ad-hoc): which build our beliefs and expectations of who we are and who we are not.

And some

• The thoughts and actions of things external to us: our environment, our family, friends, bosses, work colleagues, the media, the government, the general public and many more.

Due to the shear amount of them! They have had, have they not, the greatest effect on your design, with your permission, whether conscious or unconscious, and have through time attributed to the design of who you are.

One of the BIGGEST factors that contribute to who you are is the way you talk to yourself, your SELF-TALK

You carry on a silent conversation during much of the day.  The internal dialogue actually directs your thoughts and behaviours.  Understanding what self-talk is and how it affects you is the first step in learning how to rewrite your own self-talk, 'the script of life' and talk your way to a less stressful way of life.

Researchers have discovered that the average person thinks anywhere between 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day.

What you say when you talk to yourself is almost always a message you received from others, and according to behavioural psychologists as much as 77% of self-talk is negative, or works against you.

Negative self-talk, such as "I'm too shy" or "it’s alright for others they have…..”, the [money] or the [education] or [anything else], which is perceived you cannot have. This causes you to doubt, be unsure, worry, and lack confidence.

Positive self-talk gives you strong new messages to help you overcome long-time fears and obstacles - speak more comfortably in front of groups, become more confident around others, and look, act, and feel more in control.

YOU CAN replace your negative self-talk with positive self-talk to make dramatic, permanent changes in your life. YOU CAN make your own self-talk win for you. All you have to do is learn how to talk to yourself in an uplifting, positively, realistic manner.

Aldous Huxley stated: "There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self."

So why not start? Listen to your internal thoughts, and record what percentage put you up and what percentage put you down?

REMEMBER

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” - Eleanor Roosevelt

 

What is the one thing that determines, more than anything else, the quality of your life?

Some people say, "You are what you eat," I say, "You are what you think." Now, this is not really "new" news. This is one of the great universal truths, handed down over the centuries by poets and philosophers and by almost every great religious leader the world has ever known.

We move toward and become like what we think about, and our present thoughts, more than anything else, determine our future. So it is important to learn to control your thoughts because if you can do that, you'll be taking control of your life as well.

And how do you control your thoughts? Well, you learn to monitor yourself by listening to the stream of inner messages that precede your emotions. Then, you ask yourself if some of these thoughts are other people's ideas that may not really be true.

You look for distortions, exaggerations, and other misrepresentations, and you deliberately correct them - on the spot - to a more realistic viewpoint. Finally, you choose to put the best possible slant on every situation, every event, and every occurrence.

I believe that because your present thoughts determine your future, when you consistently expect the best, you tend to get it!

Change they way you think by 1% TODAY!

The Pursuit of Happiness

This is a very interesting statement, also a pretty good film. How many really happy people do you know? Are you one of them? If you are similar to the typical person who has bouts of or something you would like to feel, or you hear yourself saying things like, “one day I will be happy”, “winning the lottery will make me happy” or “happiness is not sustainable”.

 

What would happen if you changed those thoughts by 1% and acted differently, doing something new and observing the impact? How about spending your time around a truly happy person, noticing that their behaviours and state of mind comes not from what's going on around them, but from what's going on inside them. The way they look at life, recognising the negative things, just not giving them any of their attention. The unhappy person would wallow in the negative emotion and use it to add more and more of what they have witnessed to back up all their stored beliefs and perceptions of the world they live in.

What are some of the differences in their pursuit for happiness? The 1% of change needed by others? 

 

They give their attention to finding things to enjoy and appreciate. Every day, no matter where they are or what they're doing, they find things to laugh about, to celebrate, be grateful for and to appreciate.

They surround themselves with people who stimulate and challenge them and who have similar behaviours. They create their environment, rather than waiting to see what environment will evolve and finding things they don’t like,

 

It's an interesting fact that we get what we are looking for and we mostly see what we have manifested in our thoughts.

 

So if you make up your mind to be happier by 1% more each day, then you add an extra 14.4 minutes of happiness in your day, 100.8 minutes per week and 11.76 days per year!

 

How do you do that? What can you do? What small step can make a big difference? Here are some examples of the things I have done

 

·         Stop buying a newspaper

·         Watch funny films

·         Read or listen light hearted books

·         Laugh

·         Smile

·         Look for the smile in other

 

Most happy people weren't born that way. At some point in their life they made a conscious or unconscious decision to change, to enjoy their lives maybe as small as 1% difference. What would happen if you made the same choice, starting today?

First post!

Well this is the first of many. I am coming up to the ripe age of 50 in 15 days and i want to be able to look back at this coming year and mark it with my thoughts, actions and experiences.

I know my grammar leaves a lot to be desired for many people and i suppose that is why i never started blogging or writing before. I've always had this as an action on my to-do list but so many people judge, especially in the business world, everyone is so caught up with the grammar and spelling etc, rather than looking at the content and commenting on that.

Today has been another day in a job i love, that doesn't mean that things can get better, times i feel like i am walking up a hill backwards on treacle and although it seems as if nothing gets done, when i take stock, things are moving forward.

I am grateful for the the people i work with, we have a great team and although i cannot name them, i might use their animal references, chosen when asked, "if you were an animal, what animal would you be and why".

I was a Raccoon cheeky, mischievous, adaptable in other environments and persistent.

Lovable too :)



I will be running home tonight after i finish planning for tomorrow, seems a to-do list should be changed to another name, i will have to think about one.

Till tomorrow, nice chatting.